Yesterday morning I was listening to my favorite radio show,
Bob and the Showgram. The topic when I tuned in was the weirdest stuff that had ever been stolen from you. Calls started pouring in, the most amusing of which involved a Glade candle being stolen yet the money in the apartment was left untouched. Apparently today's thieves are concerned with aromatherapy and invoking the appropriately-scented atmosphere when they commit their crimes. Lilac larceny, perhaps?
Anyway I did not think to call this in at the time but here at SECU we have recently been robbed of something that holds extreme value: a microwave plate. Yes, you read that right. Not the entire microwave or even a fancy new toaster oven but a single microwave plate. I really feel this thief knew what he was doing too. See, when you steal something frivolous like a microwave plate it makes everyone think. What's he gonna steal next? The lid to a trash can? A sponge from the kitchen? The button that allows me to select my beloved Sprite from the vending machines?! I swear every time I open that microwave it's like the world's biggest Fuck You. Besides, what is this guy doing with that plate? Maybe he took it home to replace his own broken microwave plate and feed his starving family but I have every suspicion that it is still lurking in this building, perhaps in a desk drawer or a closet. Yeah. I'm on to you, buddy.
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